All our lives – as women – we are taught to be “nice.” We are always instructed to be kind, cordial, and accommodating. We should say, “Yes,” far more often than, “No.” And we must never, ever, create conflict.
Consequently, we must go to extremes if necessary, to maintain the status quo. Thus, we surely can’t ever talk back to – or contradict – others. This pertains to our friends, but especially to our parents, authority figures, and bosses.
If you do not obey these rules, you are most certainly not a “nice girl.” In fact, you are almost guaranteed to be labeled the very opposite—a “mean girl.”
Is the “mean girl” really “mean?”
Of course, sometimes real mean girls are much meaner. For some, their manners (or lack thereof) and behaviors go far beyond “not nice.” These girls are also usually mean all the time.
Yet, even though we might not want to be this type of girl (or even want “her” as a friend), there is often something about these women that we nice girls secretly admire.
These girls have massive confidence backed by a hefty sense of self-worth and self-pride, with limited self-consciousness. They usually get what they want because they ask for it—and sometimes, take it. They also don’t sit back and wait for “luck” or “good fortune” to find them, but rather, they make their own.
If it sounds like we sort of envy them, that’s probably true. Yet, we respect these ladies in many ways as well.
Sure, some of these girls can take it to the extreme—serving up meanness like it’s an art and they are a brand-new, intense, breed of artist. However, others might not be “mean” at all…
It’s a shame that today, the label “mean girl” is often slapped on any woman who stands up for herself.
Or who doesn’t just stand up for herself, but who also stands up for those she loves and for what she believes in… Who doesn’t do things she doesn’t want to do or who doesn’t go along with things she doesn’t feel are right? Who doesn’t say, “Yes,” because she wants (or needs) to say, “No.”
Often, much of our busyness – our lack of time for ourselves and lack of time for doing the things we love, with the ones we love, that nurture our soul and make us happy – is due to our fear of being called a “mean girl.” Or rather, our fear of not being viewed as the “nice girl” we’ve been told again and again, that we should be. We sacrifice ourselves, sacrifice our balance, and sacrifice our happiness, simply because we don’t want others to see us as (or think we are) selfish.
However, is it selfish to love and respect yourself and your needs?
No! Obviously, there are always times when we should be nice—when it is the “right” thing to do to let your needs and desires take a back seat for the sake of someone else or others. It’s just when it becomes a permanent habit – or way of thinking – for no good reason other than not wanting to rock the boat, that it becomes a problem. Especially, if others are taking advantage of your “niceness” and it’s costing you something or causing you pain.
In these moments or at these times, it might be the perfect opportunity to channel your own “mean girl”—to stand up for yourself and take care of yourself too. Your nice girl will always be there, waiting to take back over when the timing is right. She doesn’t have to go away… she just needs to take a break. She deserves it.
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